Mascot of the Revolution: The Noble Llama

You spit at injustice. Your wool makes wonderful sweaters for The People. You are a sure-footed climber of mountains. And your cuteness could bring down empires. For all this, Noble Llama, we at revolutionbitches name you Mascot of the Revolution.

A Comedy Coup

Dear Dave Chappelle,

You had us at free comedy on Pioneer Square...

http://www.kgw.com/news-local/stories/kgw_071509_news_dave_chappelle_oregon.41f0913e.html

This is the first time I have missed being in Portland. The world is still your bitch.

I Think I Hear The Man Crying...

The Man must wake up every day hating this kind of commune. My bitches, check out the link to the Avion Neighborhood in Grand Prairie. Ain't that a blip?

http://www.wfaa.com/sharedcontent/dws/wfaa/latestnews/stories/wfaa090714_lj_avion.3d39f3d7.html

Bitch of the Week, Part II: This Very Special Edition Brought to You by AIG

AIG, you earn a special mention in this week's Bitch of the Week column. The bank's closed, bitches...

Sincerely, fuck you...
revolutionbitches

For more:
http://money.cnn.com/2009/07/10/news/companies/aig_bonuses/index.htm?postversion=2009071009

Bitch of the Week

Kim Jong Il. No one wears Sofia Loren glasses like you do, baby – not even Sofia Loren – and The People’s Grey (is that the official color of the Communist Party? So drab…) does wonders for your figure. It’s your choice of missiles that puts you on our bitch list, bitch. Hey, never mind us. I’d worry about Japan if I were you. By the way, telling us that you’ll crush us only makes us love you more. We’re like that.

NPR Is Depressing

I shouldn't listen to that station first thing in the morning. The Morning Edition should be called the Mourning Edition. Or maybe The Dirge. Shit's depressing. So this morning, more coverage on the G8. Everybody is sitting around talking about global warming, saying we need to do something about it, and yet they cannot come up with a single short term goal to start the process. Oh, and the new treaty is due by December. Good luck with all that.

All I know, bitches, is that it's hot. And if human short-sightedness could be harnessed into renewable fuel, we'd run forever.

Time Warner Sucks and I Love You

It was a valiant effort. In a wave of Duke the Devil jubilation, I tore out my cable, returned the box and remote to Time Warner Cable with a Revolution, Bitches! salute, and jumped off grid...

(... well, not completely: I still kept my turbo internets... I'm not crazy...)

I am sad to report, fellow bitches, that I surrendered to Time Warner today. I am back in the chains of digital cable and handcuffs of DVR. I hate The Man and The Man's quality high definition resolution.

But at least I can watch repeats of The Boondocks and put my fist in the air like I mean that shit.

Dear Dave Chappelle

Dear Dave Chappelle,

TV has been a big pile of suck since you stepped off. Just thought you should know that. You will forever be Rick James, bitch.

Love, revolutionbitches

ps. You're still rich, biatch!

Why Twitter Doesn't Completely Suck

1. ...hmm... don't rush me, don't rush me!...
   
2. Oh yeah, the space shuttle astronauts tweet. I gave a tweet-out to Captain Mike while he was in space. That was pretty awesome.
3. I follow the White House and 10 Downing Street. The Prime Minister's staff is pretty funny, actually. White House basically gives commercial sound bites. (Not as fun.)
4. Tweeting friends' concert and stage events and having random people following my ass around. Funny, considering I tweet once a week ...tops.
   

Why I Hate Twitter

1. Demi Moore
2. Ashton Kutcher
3. Okay, anyone who's usually covered on E!, with the exception of Ted Casablanca. He a'right with me.
4. 140 characters. Barely enough for haiku.
5. Stupid question that prompts stupid answers. How are you doing? would at least be more revelatory.
6. Now with commercials. Really fast commercials.
7. More self-promotion than a hip hop track.
   

Don't Hate

I am ready for Michael Jackson to get some requiem in pacem. I'm not going to jump on the bandwagon of blame and hate and insinuation about The Troubles. I just hope that people stop using him as their personal punching bag. Like you, Representative Peter King (not to be confused with the pretty decent sports writer for Sports Illustrated, Peter King). You seem to have forgotten, in your frenzy for relevancy, the fact that Mr. Jackson has three young children now coping with tremendous loss. Having lost a mother at 35, I can only imagine what a 7, 11, or 12 year old is feeling, particularly since he was their only parent.

I guess the whole Right to Life thing ends at fetuses for you. Nice family values, Representative King. You had me at pedophile.

Twitterpated

You have to love that the White House has Twitter, Flickr, Facebook and official *.gov web forms. Tossing a little commentary *BAM!* in 140 characters or less is pretty sweet. It's way more fun than wallpapering Congressional email accounts with treatises on impeaching Bush. That's so olde skool.

I did go to town (all the way down and uptown) on the Don't Ask, Don't Tell ridiculousness and requested a cease and desist on all discharges. Bam. Just like that. You've been Twitterpated.